This article should help submissives - especially new submissives - to make a good (first) impression when visiting a professional Domina and to establish a trouble-free relation afterwards.
Based on my experiences about the poor quality of some calls many Pro-Dommes received and their reaction afterwards I’m convinced that in this case, more information is better than less Information as thoroughness is important here. Simply because one can make still mistakes even if one is respectful and polite when communicating with a Domina.
Essential information before all communication
- Professional Femdom is not prostitution, Pro-Dommes are not prostitutes. If you are looking for sexual activities never and under no circumstance contact a Pro-Domme. The same goes if you are looking for any kind of intimate worship or nudity (including topless) on her part.
The initial call/E-Mail
- Please read the website/the ad of the Domina thoroughly as Dominas spend many hours in building up their Website/writing their ad to provide you with all the important and necessary information. Understandably ProDommess don't like to repeat themselves in a call. Especially read the FAQ section very carefully and check if your question is answered there.
- Before you contact her, it is essential to have some information about the Mistress, like when (days and time of the day) to contact her, how to contact her (telephone call, E-Mail, web-form etc.), what likes she has and more important what her taboos/dislikes are. Regarding the likes and dislikes; It is your responsibility to know the turn on's and turn off's of the Mistress before the call.
- Make sure that your likes match her likes; otherwise it won’t work later on. Be aware that some Mistresses distinguish between activities they engage in (so called "interests") and activities they enjoy very much (so called "favorites" or "specialities"). If she dislikes something that you like very much and you consider it important that this activity is part of your session with the Mistress do not call her, i.e. respect her dislikes and don’t have the hope that the Mistress will change her mind, once you are at her dungeon.
- If you have a specific fetish that is not listed as a like or dislike by the Mistress then – as long as it is legal – don’t be shy or feel embarrassed to ask the Mistress respectfully, most probably she has heard it before and maybe – if you’re lucky – she find it interesting as well.
- In general if a fetish is not listed by the Mistress do not make assumptions about the services the Mistress offers. Do not assume that she likes an activity unless the Mistress explicitly informed you in writing or verbally that she is fine with it.
- When calling the Mistress, make sure that your number is visible, as calls from block numbers will usually not be answered.
- Spell and pronounce the Mistress name correctly. If you are unsure how the name is pronounced correctly, ask politely.
- Make sure that you make the call at a time the Mistress stated on her website, if no time is mentioned call at a decent time. If the Mistress does not take your call, try again later, but not every two minutes. Let some time between the calls. Don't expect Mistress to return you call if you could not reach her.
- Be aware when the Mistress receives her clients (days and time of day) and have at least two possible dates when you can see her - of course these two dates must be reconciled with the times she receives visitors. It's not bad to have your diary available as well. Be also aware of the notice periods, same day sessions are often not possible or restricted to regular clients only. Usually the notice period is 24 hours in some cases 48 hours are also possible.
- Know your BDSM interests, as she will ask you about your likes. Especially if you are a newbie the Mistress will accept that you are uncertain about your desires but she needs at least some idea of what you’re into before she will consider agreeing to see you. Please also consider legal issues in this case. Maybe it is helpful if you fill out a questionnaire before the call, so you have something to rely on during the call. Be also prepared that she will ask you about your health (problems).
- If you can provide her with references this may be helpful.
- For the call itself: introduce yourself with a name before you start and be respectful. Ask the Mistress politely how she likes you to call her. During the call stay focused on the topic and avoid repetitive questions and idle chitchat.
- In an E-Mail: good grammar is a must. Make sure you E-Mail is concise, meaningful on the one hand and as short as possible on the other hand, so that it can be read in a reasonable time, if a maximum limit of words is required comply with it. This goes also when using a web application form, follow the application instructions carefully.
- You may ask about the tribute but never in any case try to inquire about a lower tribute. Have in mind that specific activities or scenes requiring intricate planning or the involvement of other players may have a premium. You can also ask if the Mistress has a preference when and how you can hand over the tribute. For example some Mistresses likes it, if the tribute is in an (open) envelope.
- Do not ask the Mistress to describe what she will do to you in a session. In this case she might assume that you want to wank at her expenses and therefore she thinks that you are only wasting her time and terminate the call. Remember that the initial contact is exclusively designed to get in touch for the first time and to agree upon a date for the session or to realize that the demands of the Mistress are different from your preferences so that a meeting makes no sense. The Initial call is definitely not a place to exchange fantasies.
- Answer all the questions from the Mistress honestly.
- In general and to summarize: Be open and honest and speak about everything that is important for you. Also speak about every that may be important for the Mistress from your point of view. Your fantasies, your likes are important but also your fears and maybe previous experiences and incidents.
- Listen carefully what the Mistress tells you. Keep in mind and respect what she told you, especially about her dislikes and taboos.
The agreement to session
- Only make an agreement for a session, if you are ready for the session and if you are convinced that you will have a good session with this Mistress. Otherwise do not agree on a date and even better do not make the initial call at all.
- Accept if the Mistress refuses to session with you. She will do this in cases your likes are not compatible with her likes or she feels that the session will endanger herself or you,
- A FEMDOM session is a truly enchanting and rewarding experience, no need to be afraid. A professional Mistress will always take care of you, even in RACK play.
- If the Mistress requires a confirmation some time before the session, make sure you make this confirmation in time. Otherwise the Mistress considers this a cancellation of the session.
- Make sure to check your phone/E-mail to see if the Mistress had to cancel the session after you confirmed it.
- If some preparations for the session are necessary don't call the Mistress and ask how things are progressing, if not agreed otherwise.
- If you have confirmed the session but have a change of mind or you are prevented for any reason then cancel the session immediately and of course as soon as possible. Failure to show for a confirmed session will leave you blacklisted from ever visiting the Mistress again and most likely she will also pass your details on to other Mistresses. Mistresses hate it, if their time is being wasted.
Arriving for the session
- Be clean (body and mouth), odorous and in a healthy state when you visit the Mistress, i.e. shower beforehand and if necessary change clothes prior to the visit.
- Never ever be under the influence of alcohol and drugs, every responsible Mistress will dismiss you immediately otherwise.
- In case you are visiting several Mistresses, make sure that you do not wear marks of another Mistress, when visiting this Mistress. If you can be marked the Mistress likes to see her work afterwards.
- Be exactly on time, i.e. don’t be early or late (plus/minus one minute of the agreed time is widely considered to be o.k.).Take into consideration that it may take some time to find a parking lot when you departure for the visit, also be aware that the journey will last longer during the rush hours.
- If you will be late, inform the Mistress as early as possible, indicating your expected arrival time.
- Accept that the Mistress may cut the session time if you arrive late but can charge the full fee.
- If you are early, some Mistresses considers it to be O.K. to contact her and to ask, if the session can start earlier, however never show up early without her explicit permission.
- Be respectful all the time, this means also during the pre- and post-session talk.
- If not done during the Initial call or if asked in the personal meeting prior to the session present your likes to the Mistress again, but avoid to present her a detailed script. Trust your Mistress that she has the skills to fulfill your desires when she knows the bulletpoints. This gives the Mistress more room to fulfill her own likes and it also much more interesting for you, if you don't know exactly what is coming next.
- Respect the limits and taboos of the Mistress at all time. It's absolutely bad manners to ask her to engage in a pratice the Mistress does not like. Don't you dare to ask, if the Mistress would do a practice she dislikes if you pay a premium. In this case immediate dismissal is most likely and fully justified.
- Never ever negotiate the tribute: That is totally rude and respectless.
- As we are speaking about a professional pay for play session; make sure you have the exact change with you (be aware that some activities requires a premium and consider this premium). Never expect to be able to pay cashless, if not explicitly agreed beforehand. If the Mistress told you how to hand over the tribute abide by her words.
- Some Mistresses like if you show your appreciation for them by giving them a gift, so you may ask what the like. Although gifts are not mandatory they are always a sign of your esteem.
- Give the Mistress an honest feedback of the session later on. If you need some time to think about the session in detail inform the Mistress about it, most likely she will understand it.
In-between the sessions
- Respect the Mistress’ private live, never ever ask her for personal information.
- If you meet the Mistress at a vanilla location and/or event do not contact her, respect and protect her privacy. And of course don't ask her later who her companions were.
- Don’t fall in love with the Mistress. Respect and accept that for her sessioning with you is a purely professional relation and besides her professional life you are not and never will be part of her (private) life.
- You can stay in touch with Mistress in-between sessions, but abide by the rules the Mistress sets to the fullest. Do not pesters the Mistress prior or in-between the sessions. So most important at all time respect the privacy boundaries set by the Mistress.
- Do not make unnecessary, superfluous calls/e-mails etc.. Remember always that Mistress' time is limited.
- If you have been given an assignment or task for the next session, then carry it out with exacting precision. If you are unable to do so, inform the Mistress as early as possible.
- Never ever ask the Mistress if you can become her personal slave, she will lead you the path if she wants to enter such a relation and is convinced that it is suitable for her.
- Take into consideration that even if you are a personal slave, it will still be a pay for play relation. Maybe you do not pay a direct session tribute but be aware that in this case you have to contribute financially in a different way to her.