Inquiry from beantownsissy

“How do you help your degradee/humiliation subs separate the “fetish” of #femdom from life? It’s difficult bc the fetish itself is in some ways the LACK of separation. This pure #findom culture online seems to me to devalue kink. Maybe I just don’t understand it.”

I was recently asked this question on Twitter. First I’ll address the separation inquiry. Then I’ll comment on findom. 

Oftentimes what I post on Twitter is a very small peek into My world. As much as I speak on consent, boundaries, and aftercare, it’s not what one sees when they scroll through My feed. I have videos of My subs dancing in their panties at home, obviously after having been directed by Me to make the video and post it to Twitter. What many do not see are the times spent talking in conversation, the emails and text messages. 

These are My devoted and loyal clients who have been allowed the privilege of slavehood. They wear My collar, which in the bdsm world, has meaning.

When a professional Dominant and a client have some kind of chemistry and if their interests intersect enough to spark a willingness to go further, there will often be a deeper dynamic that can be reached. Going beyond what happens in a given space-time container of a session. It is talked about, repeated, written out, and agreed upon. When I train and groom My subs to be of service to Me, there are always many check-ins. But as the D/s relationship deepens, the boundaries become more blurred and consent become more of a blanket - covering most activities enacted - because there is also deep trust. So with this depth of trust, separation is not always apparent.

Boundaries are a crucial but invisible layer in D/s relationships. Generally people don’t see the boundaries that have been negotiated and agreed upon in a D/s relationship. They only see the interactions and expressions of kinks being enacted. So I’ll say that separating the humiliation fetish of femdom from life has everything to do with boundaries. Those boundaries can be more permeable between real life and a session within certain agreed-upon interactions. Again, much of this goes unseen. 

In response to the findom culture comment, I’m not so sure if it devalues kink. I think kink will always be valuable to those who find their truth and freedom in it because it is a part of who they are. What we often see in Twitter findom is a get-money-quick scheme. I’m not saying there aren’t real findoms on social media, but I am saying that findom seems have caught the eye of some individuals who are looking for easy money. They emulate and adopt the language, throw up a few selfies and photos of cash, and repeat. It’s up to the people who are looking to submit to a Dominant to do their own research. If you’re a male and thinking with your boner, you may get suckered in. 

Financial domination is just one tool in the multi-verse of tools available to Professional Dominants. Being strictly a findom is like saying you’re only a foot domme - only into using your feet to dominate men. To Me, it’s one dimensional and not so fulfilling unless that is the only fetish at play. Then it’s a great match!