We speak about how BDSM and Ritual Magick have many similarities and touch on Goddess Power, among other things. Have a listen by clicking the image below.
Nine years ago: it was 2009, I was a 19 year old kid studying filmmaking in New York City. I identified myself as a sub since I accidentally had access to BDSM material as young boy, but as a young adult I only had two very painful and unsatisfying sessions on my kinky luggage. For the first time in my life I was living on my own, away from home, family, friends, and everybody else that I’d be embarrassed by having my preferences somehow discovered or exposed.
I knew NYC was THE place to be for a kinkster, and it was only a matter of finding the right spot that would suit me right, and I’d be just fine.
I started by googling ‘femdom sessions nyc’ and the Fetish Fortress was the second choice the algorithm gave me. I looked over all those beautiful dommes, but was your glassy eyes that caught my attention. I immediately wrote an email addressing the Asian dungeon saying I had interest in a one hour session with Mistress Zhao, and that my favorite practices included foot fetish, bondage, CBT, and orgasm control.
Not even 24 hours later, I was on a subway train on my way to the location I was instructed to go, and what a scary place that was: The building looked abandoned from the outside, so I double checked the address. No doubt, that was the crib. I walked in, hoping this wasn't part of some organ trafficking scheme. I entered the elevator, the mirror was broken and the light was flicking. It really felt like a zombie apocalypse. I stepped out on the right floor, and all I could see was this massive mirror reflecting my image, one of the kinds you see in thrillers during interrogation scenes. There was a little intercom right next to it, I buzzed the button and a feminine voice came through the speaker, telling me she was sorry, but Mistress Zhao couldn't make it to the session.
“Would it be okay if you could come back at ten o'clock?”
There was absolutely NO WAY I was going back to that location of a slasher flick during night time. “Could it be, like, one o'clock in the afternoon tomorrow?” I replied.
Exactly 24 hours later, and there I was again. There was a drawer right below to the big mirror, that I didn't noticed the first time around. The thing opened like if it had a life of its own. “ID, please”, the voice in the speaker said. I dropped my passport, and the drawer rapidly closed like if it was a mouth from a monstrous creature deglutting its meal. The door right on my side buzzed. “Last door on the corridor, the steel room,” the voice said.
As soon as I passed the door, I saw myself inside this shady and bleak version of what looked like a waiting room. I reached a very small corridor, where the only thing I could see was a birdcage hanging from the ceiling, containing a Ken doll totally stripped, blindfolded and in bondage. Soon, a small door was in front of me. Here it is, the steel room. As I walked in, I found myself trapped in this little cubicle with another door in front of me. “TAKE YOUR CLOTHES OFF” a speaker blazed in a metallic voice. I stripped down my clothing, and kindly placed them in a small basket on the floor.
“THAT INCLUDES YOUR UNDERWEAR”, the metallic voice shouted. Fuck. I'm trapped in this place. They have my passport. They have me naked. No doubt, this is some human traffic scheme. What the fuck have I got myself into?
“You can come in now” the voice said.
'Nah, i'm just bugging out. I left my macbook in the dorm where I share with another roommate. If I go missing, it's not gonna be hard to track me down. They know that. Nobody would be that stupid. That's probably just standard procedure.' I lied to myself as I walked through the door, and found myself alone while waiting for Mistress Zhao.
It was probably not even a minute, but it felt like a decade. I’ve never met someone totally undressed in my life. My friend once told me of his experience at a nude beach: according to him, meeting someone completely naked gives you the wrong impression of intimacy. It’s as if having all of your flaws and imperfections exposed while acquainting someone would not only strip you from your clothes, it would also strip you from your pride. But would the same tenderness apply to this?
Finally you came in. You introduced yourself with a kind smile, as you apologized for what happened the day before, explaining how the traffic jam in New Jersey was a total bummer.
You told me to lay down on my knees, which I obediently did. Soon I felt rough rope involving my two arms. “Tell me more about you”, you said. I briefly told you I moved to a bigger home when I was six, and found S&M videos and magazines hidden in the guest bedroom, which I believed belonged to the previous owner.
“Do you believe you would never be into kink if it wasn’t for this?”
By the time you asked me this, I was already confined head to toe in the gigantic rope. You started to curl the rest of the rope around my penis. I have never felt anything like this. The rope was holding my circulation, and the veins started to come out as thick as they could. It was pain AND pleasure, all at once. You quickly stopped and gave me a malicious look. You tightened up the cord just to see how I’d react. I shivered. You kept looking at me with the same stare. Did it again. I shivered.
There was a small bit of the rope that was loose, and you used it as a leash. Having my manhood on a leash was a dream come true situation. One of those once-in-a-life-time-moments. For the first time I felt I was truly submitting myself to someone else’s will. By that time I didn’t care if you were going to slice my throat. I was yours, and you had the right to use me as you wished. All I could do was thanking you for taking away my rights.
You then instructed to kiss your feet. I gently kissed your soles and each toe. “You’re a good foot kisser”, you said “most foot guys just wanna deep throat my feet”.
What followed for the next fifty minutes was a very nice conversation that I‘d be happy to have with a friend, except for the fact I was totally bound as you tortured my testicles.
You then untied my penis, and touched my gland with this big, vibrating, phallic shaped device.
“I’m gonna let you release now”.
Having an orgasm in bondage was one of the most exciting and thrilling experiences I’ve ever had, and till this day, I’d recommend it to anyone, kinkster or not. The feeling of all your muscles quickly tighten up as the same time they’re bound, and then loosen up, followed by an intense tickling at the tip of your dick, that soon starts spreading and spreading to the rest of your body. All of this, aligned with the knowledge that, if you decided to ruin it, there was nothing I could do about it.
I was lucky enough to have my orgasm all the way. “The session is over”, you said. “Would you like me to untie you now?”
“No”, I replied. “I wouldn’t”
Ten minutes later I was dressing again, as we had our last chat before going separate ways. I said I hoped I wasn’t a disappointment for you as a beginner.
“I’d rather push the buttons of someone sensitive that can feel things in intense ways, rather than having someone immune to pain” and that just shut my mouth.
As I entered the subway, I just felt I could fly. You showed me BDSM was much more that I could ever expect. You had the best of both worlds: Strong and sensitive. Sadistic and caring. Delicate and wild.
Fast forward nine years, and it’s been a journey often painful, but also rewarding, to accept myself as I am. Every experience I’ve ever had gave me an extra layer of thick skin, but also made me come out at the end stronger. It took me nine years to open up to my friends and part of my family. And our one hour together was definitely foundational for that. Nine years later, someone sent me a link of your Instagram, and you’re now Dia Dynasty. Funny enough, but ‘Dia’ in my native language is the word for ‘day’. And you’ve helped me bring part of myself I kept as a secret to broad daylight. I was also very satisfied to see that you identified yourself as a ‘sexual healer’. That’s the most accurate description of you: a healer.
I really don’t expect you remember this little session from nine years ago. I’m just one in a thousand that you helped healing, and I’m grateful you’re still out there helping people.
Marvel at how we can
stretch ourselves to fit another’s shape
a once-thick membrane, pulled taut, transparent
taking on a partial silhouette of them.
Partially unformed, we seek the container
for our experiences. Pouring ourselves into
the vessels: four-legged, pyramid, dodecahedron, and then
discharge again. The iridescence of residue remains.
Try on all of the coats that
are palatable to our senses.
Furry, sleek, waterproof, woolen. Sometimes
the arms are too long but we find that there’s a certain
charm to having the sleeves rolled up.
In the process, the form that is us
begins to take shape. Some openings we
cannot fit through anymore.
Some cannot contain us completely
and we spill over, splitting the seams
tearing the membrane.
Perhaps by now you are familiar with My affinity for the taboo? No? Allow Me to divulge.
One of My deepest, darkest, and most highly improbable, morally appalling fantasies is to create a snuff film. The inspiration is partly from my idol, Hannibal Lecter, and partly from the Nine Inch Nails "Broken" video from some time ago and the controversy that ensued around it. I am able to conjure an inability to suspend disbelief because of how I know the world to be full of dark secrets that accidentally leak out, and to be a purveyor of some of those terrifying deeds.
The strong desire, need, be creative comes into play everywhere in My life, thus the snuff film aspect of creating something that will horrifically last forever.
I imagine this snuff film taking place in an old theater. Red velvet curtains, dramatic spot lighting, perhaps a string quartet playing some Schubert. Or Satie on piano. It would be a fantastically large production squeezed onto a small, lo-fi video recording device.
The capture, torture and disassembly would be completely consensually contracted, non-violent and quite methodical. That's not to say that the victim will not suffer, because suffering is a large part of the creation. Tears and sweat would be collected. Moans and screams recorded, maybe looped back into the symphony. The actual “snuff” would begin with systematic removal of skin and placement of said skin into a pleasing design or shape, hung from meat hooks suspended from the stage ceiling. I would then proceed to anatomically disassemble the body as if it were a medical exercise of exploration. I imagine this would take some time, so a few short breaks would be required. Perhaps some blood painting on glass, and also engaging in some delightful culinary cannibalism during the break. There would definitely have a fully equipped kitchen nearby to do the gourmet exploration.
I shall stop there, as my fantasy is just that, a fantasy. I am sane enough to acknowledge the horror of this and it delights me to horrify people sometimes. I am also in full acknowledgment that this is morally ghastly and would not try to make this fantasy into a reality. Inasmuch as some fantasies are best kept a fantasy.
First published on Slutist.com March 12, 2017
The work day ended with a picnic: my lovely colleague and I in scandalously cheeky cut-off denim shorts with matching gingham crop tops sitting on a blanket spread over the stubby grey office carpet. A man-sized bear pops up from behind the pink vinyl ottoman, meekly growling. Luckily we just happened to be armed with a Nerf gun and a plastic bb gun, so we shot him in the crotch and kick-rolled him onto our blanket. We “skinned” the bear and then punished him by forcing him to take a white wine enema plugged up with a stump of peeled ginger, then celebrating by feeding him a nice long pull off the soy sauce bottle. To finish it all off, we smacked him around with the fish he caught swimming upstream in the nearby river. My colleague and I did not stop laughing the entire time.
I had been a professional Dominatrix for about 5 years already when the feeling of keeping this enormous part of my life a secret became a flaming albatross around my neck, especially in the company of my mother. I thought I was protecting her from the awful truth of being a sex worker. Granted, it was probably not what she hoped for her only daughter when she sent me off to university.
“Two tears in the bucket. Motherfuck it.”
My mother took me on a European river cruise tour shortly after the pervy picnic. Boat-bound on the Rhine/Seine/Danube for 10 days with a smattering of quaint village visits, we began in Vienna, hit up several small towns in Bavaria and Germany, and ended in Amsterdam. Since these leisurely river cruises usually attracted the likes of the senior set, I was the sole gleaming beacon of youth. My mother and I met every single silver haired passenger slowly, evening by evening, at the ritualized dinner event. We ate the porkchops and potatoes and endless miles of pasta and baked Alaska and I introduced myself over and over as a photographer for e-commerce, so none of these gentle geriatrics nor my sweet mother would be shocked into an untimely death. I lied so hard about taming model children and navigating the digital world of imagery that I started to disgust myself. One night after dinner, my mother left me alone and took her laptop to the wireless area. My thoughts wretched my guts in horror of her somehow discovering my alter ego on the internet; tits out, a face full of porno makeup, offering nefarious services of perviness from a boutique Chinatown dungeon. My head felt like it was being crushed in a vise and my insides were all twisted and quivering.
I believe that eventually, the body will physically manifest emotions and beliefs that go unchecked. The mind is so powerful that it will dig deep into your Pandora’s Box and just give you hives until you realize that you need to deal with the real source of your problems. Upon arriving back to my safe haven of anything-goes in NYC, a rather unusual skin condition immediately appeared. I would get hot and itchy near my belly and have the urgent need to scratch, a sensation that was undeniably painful and pleasurable at the same time. After a frenzied scratch session, the entire area of my skin would turn red and welt up as if a headmistress angrily walloped me with a ruler. The red, hot demon of lies that I was feeding porkchops and pasta to was trying to push itself out of my skin!
A visit to the acupuncturist determined that I had too much “heat” as he tried a few different methods of expelling it, one of which was called “bleeding”.
<cue dramatic violin music>
It was time to come out of the kink closet.
I had two homes: the Chinatown dungeon and my Bushwick apartment. In my cozy kitchen filled with knick knacks and amber light, I sat face-to-face with my mother only a couple of months after we returned from our adventure. I needed to make her feel safe, just as I felt safe, so I began with the fact that I was financially secure, very well taken care of and happy at my place of work. Then I briefly described a few of the more common things I did as a Dominatrix, such as facilitating foot worship and general sadism of the non-genital variety. I explained to her that some people liked a little pain because their bodies interpreted that sensation as pleasure. And that there is a need for some people to seek balance in their typically alpha-normative lifestyles by being submissive to somebody else. I did not go into the more penetrative activities because I knew that my mother was not the type to seek depth, so she was satisfied with what I’d told her.
She breathed a sigh of relief and smiled, “Nothing surprises me these days. I’m glad you are happy and financially stable.”
At the end of her visit with me, she gave me a little red envelope (as Asian mothers are wont to do) and said it contained the equivalent to “about one hour of your foot in someone’s mouth.”
Allow me to introduce myself.
My name is Dia Dynasty.
I am an Alpha Witch, a Female Supremacist, and a Shamanatrix.
This article should help submissives - especially new submissives - to make a good (first) impression when visiting a professional Domina and to establish a trouble-free relation afterwards.
Based on my experiences about the poor quality of some calls many Pro-Dommes received and their reaction afterwards I’m convinced that in this case, more information is better than less Information as thoroughness is important here. Simply because one can make still mistakes even if one is respectful and polite when communicating with a Domina.
Essential information before all communication
- Professional Femdom is not prostitution, Pro-Dommes are not prostitutes. If you are looking for sexual activities never and under no circumstance contact a Pro-Domme. The same goes if you are looking for any kind of intimate worship or nudity (including topless) on her part.
The initial call/E-Mail
- Please read the website/the ad of the Domina thoroughly as Dominas spend many hours in building up their Website/writing their ad to provide you with all the important and necessary information. Understandably ProDommess don't like to repeat themselves in a call. Especially read the FAQ section very carefully and check if your question is answered there.
- Before you contact her, it is essential to have some information about the Mistress, like when (days and time of the day) to contact her, how to contact her (telephone call, E-Mail, web-form etc.), what likes she has and more important what her taboos/dislikes are. Regarding the likes and dislikes; It is your responsibility to know the turn on's and turn off's of the Mistress before the call.
- Make sure that your likes match her likes; otherwise it won’t work later on. Be aware that some Mistresses distinguish between activities they engage in (so called "interests") and activities they enjoy very much (so called "favorites" or "specialities"). If she dislikes something that you like very much and you consider it important that this activity is part of your session with the Mistress do not call her, i.e. respect her dislikes and don’t have the hope that the Mistress will change her mind, once you are at her dungeon.
- If you have a specific fetish that is not listed as a like or dislike by the Mistress then – as long as it is legal – don’t be shy or feel embarrassed to ask the Mistress respectfully, most probably she has heard it before and maybe – if you’re lucky – she find it interesting as well.
- In general if a fetish is not listed by the Mistress do not make assumptions about the services the Mistress offers. Do not assume that she likes an activity unless the Mistress explicitly informed you in writing or verbally that she is fine with it.
- When calling the Mistress, make sure that your number is visible, as calls from block numbers will usually not be answered.
- Spell and pronounce the Mistress name correctly. If you are unsure how the name is pronounced correctly, ask politely.
- Make sure that you make the call at a time the Mistress stated on her website, if no time is mentioned call at a decent time. If the Mistress does not take your call, try again later, but not every two minutes. Let some time between the calls. Don't expect Mistress to return you call if you could not reach her.
- Be aware when the Mistress receives her clients (days and time of day) and have at least two possible dates when you can see her - of course these two dates must be reconciled with the times she receives visitors. It's not bad to have your diary available as well. Be also aware of the notice periods, same day sessions are often not possible or restricted to regular clients only. Usually the notice period is 24 hours in some cases 48 hours are also possible.
- Know your BDSM interests, as she will ask you about your likes. Especially if you are a newbie the Mistress will accept that you are uncertain about your desires but she needs at least some idea of what you’re into before she will consider agreeing to see you. Please also consider legal issues in this case. Maybe it is helpful if you fill out a questionnaire before the call, so you have something to rely on during the call. Be also prepared that she will ask you about your health (problems).
- If you can provide her with references this may be helpful.
- For the call itself: introduce yourself with a name before you start and be respectful. Ask the Mistress politely how she likes you to call her. During the call stay focused on the topic and avoid repetitive questions and idle chitchat.
- In an E-Mail: good grammar is a must. Make sure you E-Mail is concise, meaningful on the one hand and as short as possible on the other hand, so that it can be read in a reasonable time, if a maximum limit of words is required comply with it. This goes also when using a web application form, follow the application instructions carefully.
- You may ask about the tribute but never in any case try to inquire about a lower tribute. Have in mind that specific activities or scenes requiring intricate planning or the involvement of other players may have a premium. You can also ask if the Mistress has a preference when and how you can hand over the tribute. For example some Mistresses likes it, if the tribute is in an (open) envelope.
- Do not ask the Mistress to describe what she will do to you in a session. In this case she might assume that you want to wank at her expenses and therefore she thinks that you are only wasting her time and terminate the call. Remember that the initial contact is exclusively designed to get in touch for the first time and to agree upon a date for the session or to realize that the demands of the Mistress are different from your preferences so that a meeting makes no sense. The Initial call is definitely not a place to exchange fantasies.
- Answer all the questions from the Mistress honestly.
- In general and to summarize: Be open and honest and speak about everything that is important for you. Also speak about every that may be important for the Mistress from your point of view. Your fantasies, your likes are important but also your fears and maybe previous experiences and incidents.
- Listen carefully what the Mistress tells you. Keep in mind and respect what she told you, especially about her dislikes and taboos.
The agreement to session
- Only make an agreement for a session, if you are ready for the session and if you are convinced that you will have a good session with this Mistress. Otherwise do not agree on a date and even better do not make the initial call at all.
- Accept if the Mistress refuses to session with you. She will do this in cases your likes are not compatible with her likes or she feels that the session will endanger herself or you,
- A FEMDOM session is a truly enchanting and rewarding experience, no need to be afraid. A professional Mistress will always take care of you, even in RACK play.
- If the Mistress requires a confirmation some time before the session, make sure you make this confirmation in time. Otherwise the Mistress considers this a cancellation of the session.
- Make sure to check your phone/E-mail to see if the Mistress had to cancel the session after you confirmed it.
- If some preparations for the session are necessary don't call the Mistress and ask how things are progressing, if not agreed otherwise.
- If you have confirmed the session but have a change of mind or you are prevented for any reason then cancel the session immediately and of course as soon as possible. Failure to show for a confirmed session will leave you blacklisted from ever visiting the Mistress again and most likely she will also pass your details on to other Mistresses. Mistresses hate it, if their time is being wasted.
Arriving for the session
- Be clean (body and mouth), odorous and in a healthy state when you visit the Mistress, i.e. shower beforehand and if necessary change clothes prior to the visit.
- Never ever be under the influence of alcohol and drugs, every responsible Mistress will dismiss you immediately otherwise.
- In case you are visiting several Mistresses, make sure that you do not wear marks of another Mistress, when visiting this Mistress. If you can be marked the Mistress likes to see her work afterwards.
- Be exactly on time, i.e. don’t be early or late (plus/minus one minute of the agreed time is widely considered to be o.k.).Take into consideration that it may take some time to find a parking lot when you departure for the visit, also be aware that the journey will last longer during the rush hours.
- If you will be late, inform the Mistress as early as possible, indicating your expected arrival time.
- Accept that the Mistress may cut the session time if you arrive late but can charge the full fee.
- If you are early, some Mistresses considers it to be O.K. to contact her and to ask, if the session can start earlier, however never show up early without her explicit permission.
- Be respectful all the time, this means also during the pre- and post-session talk.
- If not done during the Initial call or if asked in the personal meeting prior to the session present your likes to the Mistress again, but avoid to present her a detailed script. Trust your Mistress that she has the skills to fulfill your desires when she knows the bulletpoints. This gives the Mistress more room to fulfill her own likes and it also much more interesting for you, if you don't know exactly what is coming next.
- Respect the limits and taboos of the Mistress at all time. It's absolutely bad manners to ask her to engage in a pratice the Mistress does not like. Don't you dare to ask, if the Mistress would do a practice she dislikes if you pay a premium. In this case immediate dismissal is most likely and fully justified.
- Never ever negotiate the tribute: That is totally rude and respectless.
- As we are speaking about a professional pay for play session; make sure you have the exact change with you (be aware that some activities requires a premium and consider this premium). Never expect to be able to pay cashless, if not explicitly agreed beforehand. If the Mistress told you how to hand over the tribute abide by her words.
- Some Mistresses like if you show your appreciation for them by giving them a gift, so you may ask what the like. Although gifts are not mandatory they are always a sign of your esteem.
- Give the Mistress an honest feedback of the session later on. If you need some time to think about the session in detail inform the Mistress about it, most likely she will understand it.
In-between the sessions
- Respect the Mistress’ private live, never ever ask her for personal information.
- If you meet the Mistress at a vanilla location and/or event do not contact her, respect and protect her privacy. And of course don't ask her later who her companions were.
- Don’t fall in love with the Mistress. Respect and accept that for her sessioning with you is a purely professional relation and besides her professional life you are not and never will be part of her (private) life.
- You can stay in touch with Mistress in-between sessions, but abide by the rules the Mistress sets to the fullest. Do not pesters the Mistress prior or in-between the sessions. So most important at all time respect the privacy boundaries set by the Mistress.
- Do not make unnecessary, superfluous calls/e-mails etc.. Remember always that Mistress' time is limited.
- If you have been given an assignment or task for the next session, then carry it out with exacting precision. If you are unable to do so, inform the Mistress as early as possible.
- Never ever ask the Mistress if you can become her personal slave, she will lead you the path if she wants to enter such a relation and is convinced that it is suitable for her.
- Take into consideration that even if you are a personal slave, it will still be a pay for play relation. Maybe you do not pay a direct session tribute but be aware that in this case you have to contribute financially in a different way to her.